Authors

Marissa Pona

Jacki Giorgianni

Nate Dunn

Amazon Wheel of Horror - October 18th - The Magnificent Dead

 It's a western, if you haven't guessed already.

It's a western, if you haven't guessed already.

The Magnificent Dead is an ultra low-budget/horror/western/vampire/zombie movie thing. It's about a town that has a conflict with a local rancher and decides to hire some gunmen from a town nearby to fight for them, but it turns out that they are actually vampire/zombie men and well I'm sure you can expect what happens next.

Nothing in this movie makes sense. The plot involves this town in the late 1800s that is in the process of dying. The mayor is in talks with a railroad man to have them bring the trains through the town, which would increase commerce and essentially save it. What a great idea! Huzzah! For some reason, this upsets some of the people in town, most notably a rancher who owns a lot of the land surrounding the town. He feels that if he doesn't want it to happen, that's it. He owns the land, right? I don't understand why he wouldn't want this. He clearly is the most well off in town, and having that ease of transport would allow him to expand his business exponentially. He hates the idea though, because the script says so, and gets mad and guns down the surveyors who have come to check out the town before they start work. In the chaos he also kills the sheriff, and the town goes insane, because they are all incredible cowards.

In order to stop the evil rancher guy, the town heeds the advice of some random priest who had wandered into town a few nights before. He suggests that they hire some gunmen from a few towns over who saved that town in a similar fashion. Since the entire town is pathetic, they hire these strangers (described as lepers) to fight their battle for them. I mean there's gotta be like 25-30 people that live in the town but they are scared of this rancher and his crew of like 4 dudes to no end. So the hired guns come in to town and surprise, it turns out that they are like some kind of vampire/zombie things. They quickly dispatch the rancher and his crew and take the town hostage, locking them up in the local jail for snacking on later, I guess. Eventually the townspeople get out and kill the vampire/zombie men using random, yet occasionally oddly specific tactics, and save the day.

So this movie is a mess. It doesn't make any sense, the monsters aren't well defined, the effects, acting, camerawork, editing, makeup; It's bad in nearly every way it could be. Here are some specific examples. The first scene has CG smoke coming off of a campfire. 75% of the dialogue has been over-dubbed because of bad audio. The editing is chaotic and confused. There are at least a dozen scenes that are composed of about 5 lines, only to cut away before any resolution in dialogue. Sometimes the monsters are un-killable, sometimes all it takes is a good whack with a blunt object to the face. The townspeople use vampire killing tactics, crosses/stakes/sunlight are all used, but they aren't vampires and are killed in many other more mundane ways. They wouldn't even know to fight them in that manner, but they do it anyway because it looks cool in one of the multiple "gearing up" montages.

This movie is junk. It's a mix of untalented and/or uncaring people throwing together a mess of a script in order to get the job done and move on to the next piece of junk. I got some laughs out of the bad dubbing, but this movie tries too hard to be edgy/cool and doesn't try hard enough to make any sort of sense or show any sort of craft. Avoiding it shouldn't be hard, but go ahead and make sure to skip it if it ever crosses your path.

-Nate

Amazon Roulette of Horror - October 19th - Curse of the Faceless Man

Day 17- Frankenstein's Army